I Am The Walrus

OK, I am really not the walrus but I feel like one since all of the reading in my classes prevent me from extending my body beyond the seated position. Ugh.

nor am I a Beatles fan...hate me if you will...

I am a writing major, which means that I will be poor until I publish my first book and am asked to be on Oprah....wait...The Oprah Show is ....ugh....

I am a humorist.

In Los Angeles I was a comedy coach. I worked with up and coming stand up comics on their acts. Richard Jenny who played Jim Carey's best friend in The Mask was one of my clients. Then he killed himself in his bathroom with a .45. Perhaps I was too hard on him...That wasn't funny...

I am repulsed by Jim Carey and I hated The Mask. I am a former film major, so I can say this with the voice of a critic... I am studly that way.

If I ever decide to grow up, I want to be just like David Sedaris, who will be reading his latest at the SUB in November. I plan on stalking him in order to gain his friendship. I am certain that my evil plan will work.

I am older than everybody in this class. And that kind of sucks, because you have no right to be smarter than me...and by the looks of your excellently crafted posts, you all are.

I will be fashioning my own dunce cap that I intend on wearing to class for the the rest of the semester. And, don't you try to stop me. It will be decorated with feathers from my hot pink boa that I use for halloween.

Really, that is the only time I use it!...really.

I have been thinking lately that once I have sold a couple of books, I will buy a country house and turn it into a bed and breakfast for the elderly. Like in Benjamin Button...or perhaps Forrest Gump. I am serious.

So when you guys get old, remember me, I would love to cook you breakfast!